Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
