Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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