You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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