Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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