I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
