i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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