I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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