I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
