I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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