sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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