watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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