We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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