So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
