my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
