I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
