I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
