Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
