He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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