Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
