I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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