Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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