I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
