Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
