please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
