Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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