i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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