Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize