Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
