I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
