we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
