I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize