I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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