May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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