I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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