just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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