Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
