see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
