I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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