And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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