Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize