if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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