): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
