i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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