fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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