I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
