Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
