I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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