You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize