I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
