If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
