I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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