Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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