Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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