this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
