ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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