You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
