why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
