Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
