Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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