dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
