I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
