that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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