Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
