I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
