you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
